Fighting 30 Something Syndrome

I've had this on my mind for like two weeks and gotta get it out. Hope it doesn't offend anyone. It's just my opinion and I speak very generally. So here's my lecture mostly to self but a little bit for other 30-something women, too.

So, my young-hearted fourty-something single friend and I were talking and he said he only dates 20-somethings and 40+ year old women and never dates women in their thirties (which, to me, seems like the most "appropriate" age for him. It wasn't really a conscious thing, but it had just worked out that way. So, I interrogated him some more and he decided it was because they are boring.

"Boring? What do you mean?"

"They stop going out. They stay home and want to watch videos and stuff."

O.K. So that's not the exact wording, but you get the idea.

This has really been bothering me. I really fear being boring. A lot. But with further notice over the last couple of weeks, I think it's generally true. Women in their thirties spend a lot of time planning for the future, arranging and consuming. A little of this is fine, but only a little.

Here's why I think it happens and how I want to fight it in myself. After all, life is short and I really don't want to waste any of it on lame things.

#1. Kids and Professions
They require a lot of energy and it's easy to want to veg-out when not on the job. T.V. movies, shopping, magazines, internet=boring person consumables. Appealing to a tired woman, though.

Combat: First, I think vegging is appealing, but not the most refreshing. I think if we muster one last burst of energy to do something like take a walk, bikeride, yoga, meditation, prayer, or something a little more introspective we collect energy rather than just not use it. Anything that requires thought or creativity is going to make us more interesting and build our passions and confidence rather than just looking at someone elses creativity. Vegetable people are not interesting. Substantial and passionate doers are. Plus, healthy stuff always has you thinking, "I'm glad I did that," when you're done.

#2. Nesting Syndrome
So many of us in our thirties are near obsessed with buying one or decorating a home.

Combat: I really think this just requires a conscious decision to prioritize life experiences over visual comfort. Drop Domino Mag and go to the library. Quit thinking about buying a home and just go for a hike. Yes you may have a super cool home after all the efforts, but is your soul going to be nearly as attractive after having spent so much energy on a material object? I often think of a conversation I had with my art teacher at BYU (Joe) who said his house was old and barely hanging together, but the summer he spent with his family living in Thailand will be much more enriching than a remodeled bathroom.

#3. Competition and Comparisons
When all the other girls around you have rad homes, cars, clothes and baby/kid stuff, it makes you want it too. Plus you don't want people to judge you and think that you're a scroungy non-hipster.

Combat: Don't worry what other people think. When we just follow our hearts and try to find really substantial things in life we meet people who are similar and have much more meaningful realtionships anyway. Do you really want to have a friend who is your friend because your wearing the lastest from Anthropologie? Not me. Really, people can look however they look, but the only thing that really matters is who they are. I prefer passionate and interesting people, no matter the package.

#4. Having Found or Not Found a Husband
When women get married they often quit playing and enjoying everything around them and just "settle down" and loose independence, interests, hobbies and spark. Women who haven't found a husband let their lamentations about that overshadow all the cool stuff around them there is to do and be.

Combat: You should be an interesting person no matter if there is a guy next to you or not. I admire (and envy) my single friends who are traveling all over the world and taking advantage of all the cool stuff (art, museums, parties, dancing, outdoors) to do where they live. It shouldn't end when you get married. We're not dead. It requires a little more effort to plan and do it with kids and around naps and schedules, but it can and should be done. Every day. Or go out at night after the kids are asleep. Husbands are almost always fine to stay home if you want to go on a late night bike ride.

If you got this far, I know you're sick of my preaching because I am too. Thanks to those of you are living passionately and inspire me. I'm off to do yoga.